Still Called: Christian Leadership, Divorce, and the One-Woman Man
There’s a question that sits quietly in a lot of churches.
Can someone who’s divorced or remarried still lead?
For some, the answer is a simple no. For others, it’s a qualified yes. For many, it’s a painful question with no space to be asked out loud. Especially if you’re the one carrying the weight of it.
I’ve walked through it myself. Not just the theology, but the lived experience. The shift in conversations. The awkwardness in leadership contexts. The subtle sense that your story makes you a liability.
But does it? Is a broken marriage the end of someone’s calling? Or is there a more honest and biblically faithful way to think about it?
That’s what this post is for. Not to defend failure. Not to lower the bar. But to ask what faithfulness looks like in a world where people break and God still restores.
What does the Bible say about church leadership?
Paul’s instructions to Timothy and Titus are usually the starting point when we talk about qualifications for church leaders.
“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…”
(1 Timothy 3:2, ESV)
“If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach…”
(Titus 1:6–7, ESV)
The phrase “the husband of one wife” is where most of the debate sits. In Greek, it’s mias gunaikos andra — literally, a one-woman man. Some read that to mean a man must never have been divorced or remarried, full stop. One wife for life. Others hear it as a description of faithfulness. Someone who is not given to sexual sin, not jumping between relationships, not compromised in how he relates to women. If he’s married, he’s faithful to her. If he’s not, he’s living with integrity.
Paul uses a very similar phrase in 1 Timothy 5:9, describing which widows may be enrolled for ministry care in the early church.
“Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband…”
(1 Timothy 5:9, ESV)
Same wording. Same structure. Yet almost no one insists this means a widow must have only ever been married once in her life. We rightly understand it to refer to character. She was faithful. Trustworthy. Devoted.
If we’re going to take one of these passages with a strict, narrow interpretation, we need to treat the other the same way. But we don’t. And there’s a reason. Intelligent hermeneutics — the kind that grows out of an ongoing relationship with Christ and his Word, that knows his character as revealed in Scripture, and understands the heart of the gospel — calls us to handle these passages with more care. We’re not just reading lists of rules. We’re reading in light of the grace and truth of Jesus.
So what about divorce?
Jesus is clear that divorce is not what God intended. But he also gives an exception.
“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
(Matthew 19:9, ESV)
Here, Jesus acknowledges that adultery breaks the covenant. In such cases, divorce is not condemned. Paul adds another layer in his letter to the Corinthians.
“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
(1 Corinthians 7:15, ESV)
This is usually understood to mean that abandonment, especially by someone who does not follow Christ, also breaks the marriage bond.
And what about abuse?
That question matters more than many churches have wanted to admit. And while Scripture doesn’t use the modern word “abuse,” it speaks with absolute clarity about the kind of behaviour it describes — coercion, violence, manipulation, betrayal of trust, harm done in private behind closed doors.
Marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s love for the Church. Paul says:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
(Ephesians 5:25, ESV)
Abuse is the opposite of that. It takes the trust of a covenant and uses it as cover for harm. It strips dignity and safety from the one it was meant to protect. It replaces love with fear and twists authority into control.
The Bible does not shrug at this. Psalm 11 says:
“The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.”
(Psalm 11:5, ESV)
And Exodus reminds us:
“You shall not wrong a sojourner or oppress him… If you do mistreat them, and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry.”
(Exodus 22:21–23, ESV)
God hears the cries of the oppressed. That includes people suffering under the weight of abuse inside a marriage. Throughout Scripture, God defends the vulnerable and stands against those who use power to harm others. He does not make an exception for those who do it in their own home.
While the Bible doesn’t list “abuse” in a single verse as a reason for divorce, its witness is consistent. Abuse violates the very heart of the marriage covenant. It breaks trust. It destroys peace. It is a form of betrayal and abandonment. Where there is unrepentant, ongoing harm, separation is not only allowed. It may be necessary. The Church’s role is not to preserve appearances but to protect the vulnerable and reflect the justice and mercy of Christ.
So biblically, we can say that divorce may be justified in at least three cases:
Adultery
Abandonment
Abuse (as understood through the wider character and commands of God)
And when divorce is biblically justifiable, remarriage is not a form of rebellion. It can be part of restoration.
Can someone who’s divorced or remarried still lead?
In some cases, yes. But it has to be discerned carefully.
Leadership is not a right. It’s a trust. And trust is built on character, not just gifting or good intentions. Divorce is never minor. It shapes a person’s story in deep ways. So does remarriage. If you’ve walked through it, you have to ask the hard questions.
Am I healed?
Am I whole?
Am I trying to lead from a place of strength or to prove something?
Am I at peace?
And is the community around me affirming that?
Church leaders and mentors need to ask questions too.
Is there integrity in this person’s relationships?
Has there been repentance where needed?
Has healing happened — and been tested over time?
Is this person safe to follow?
Some may never return to formal leadership, and that’s not a failure. Others may, after a season of healing and reflection. But it has to be wise. It has to be slow. It has to be led by the Spirit.
A note on discernment
Every situation needs to be taken case by case. We cannot be lazy in the way we appoint leaders. There is no formula or test. When a church is discerning new leadership, it has to be done with the same kind of love, compassion, and wisdom we see in Christ — the kind of wisdom that grows over years of faithful engagement with the character of the Most High God.
The immoral person can cover up a messy history in an interview. They can hide trauma behind a well-written CV. The only way to get this right is to take the time to get to know someone. Do it with love. Make them a brother or sister before you ever consider them for leadership. Take time to learn their story. Ask questions — with sensitivity, with humility, with kindness. Because only when you truly know someone can you begin to discern whether they meet the biblical requirements for leadership.
Even then, you still have to trust God. So much can remain hidden, even from the person you’re getting to know. None of us are infallible, and all of us are human — broken, loved by God, redeemed, and hopefully still in the process of sanctification.
Final thoughts
If you’ve been through divorce, this isn’t the end of your story. It might change the shape of your calling, but it doesn’t erase it. Take time to heal. Be honest with yourself. Let others walk with you. Ask the questions no one else can ask for you.
And if you’re walking alongside someone else in that journey, love them well. Speak truth, but speak it with tenderness. Restoration is real. But it takes time. And wisdom. And community.
The Church doesn’t need perfect leaders. It needs restored ones. People who know grace, not just as an idea but as a reality lived out in the ashes of what was.
Still called. Still healing. Still led by grace.
Recommended Resource
If you want to explore this topic more deeply, I highly recommend the book
Divorce and Remarriage in the Church by David Instone-Brewer
It’s pastoral, thoughtful, and thoroughly rooted in Scripture, especially the cultural context of Jesus’ day.
(Please note, I earn a small percentage as an affliate from qualifying purchases — this is at no extra cost to you. I only recommend resources I trust.)